Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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