hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
