I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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