as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
