Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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