the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
your like the ambassador to my penis.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
