I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
