Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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