I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
