I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
