Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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