just tell him i said nine months
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
