My room smells like vodka and shame
I hate all girls vehemently.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
