she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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