im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
