i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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