maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
