I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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