we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
