I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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