I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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