She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
