wanna go halves on a baby?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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