i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
