That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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