Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
