He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
