3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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