my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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