Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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