pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
