Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
