Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
