So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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