even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
