If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize