Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
