I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
