My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
