Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize