i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
being pregnant is like rehab
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
