Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
