Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Randomize
