it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
