I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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