I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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