hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
