I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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