your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
