In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Gay?
German.
Pity.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
