I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize