i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
