I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
