Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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