Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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