Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
