I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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