see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
