I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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