i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
