dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
