thus making me awesome and them whores
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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