u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
this is an emotional support booty call
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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