Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
